Oh, the poor, poor Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh. For the boys in khaki, life has been on a downward spiral since those heady days of the Gujarat riots of 2002 when the Moslems were taught that M-O-D-I wasn't just a four-letter word. Since then, though, the successes have been few and far in between, and the list of failures is growing.
Recently, the Bharatiya Janata Party has had trouble finding a leader who can lead the party in the next general elections. Their best bet for the job, old pro Atal Behari Vajepayee's is not keeping very good health. The current party president Rajnath Singh isn't taken too seriously within his own party circles. Which ensured the selection of an aging LK Advani for the job.
As if the party's leadership issues were not bothersome enough, now the fornicating billion (It is logical, silly, you have to fornicate and fornicate a lot to get to a billion and more) are upto their nasty tricks. Thankfully nothing eludes the hawkeyed boys in khaki. So they eventually caught up with the dastardly act of mixing the business of sex with a lot of pleasure.
I am referring to the issue of vibrating condoms, that has stirred the nation and shaken the Swayamsevak rank and file.
Apparently, the pack of three condoms, branded as Crezendo, contains a battery-operated ring-like device. Once the battery is switched on, the device works pretty much like a vibrator. A promotional message from the company, Hindustan Latex Limited, describes Crezendo as a product that "provides ultimate pleasure by producing strong vibrations."
The company had launched Crezendo three months ago. At that time no one said anything about the vibrating ring. But now the truth is in the open. We know now that the vibrating condom is in fact a vibrator and a condom, thanks to the alertness of a Sangh loyalist in the Madhya Pradesh government, Kailash Vijayvargiya.
An angry Vijayvargiya told the BBC recently, "The government's job is to promote family planning and population control measures, rather than market products for sexual pleasure." Subsequently, a company spokesman for Hindustan Latex Limited has confessed the vibrating ring was "a pleasure enhancer", but insisted it was not a "sex toy".
Naughty, that. Sex is ok, according to the RSS, and even according to the Indian government. But pleasure? We all know, that's not on. It is only for a good reason that sex toys are banned in India.
As redfaced HLL officials go blue in the face explaining the finer differences between a sex toy and a pleasure enhancer, the good Sanghi, Vijayvargiya has dashed off a letter to prime minister Manmohan Singh, warning that the sale of sex toys in India would have "severe consequences in society".
Many years ago, and only after much deliberations at the RSS headquarters in Nagpur, it was decided to okay the use of condoms. But not without reservations, for the Sangh has never looked favourably upon any sexual act that doesn't lead to procreation, and the condom is specifically meant to prevent procreation.
However, one thing helped swing the vote in favour of the condoms. Almost all its users had unequivocally stressed that it lowered the pleasure level during intercourse. Now that mightily pleased the RSS bosses. They knew what pleasure could do. For one thing, it could make people happy. Happy people are inclined to think independently and have been historically known to fight firecely for the independence of their thought process. If allowed to be happy, who knows what they might think of the RSS tomorrow, reasoned the reasonable men of RSS. So, they, in principle, okayed the use of condom.
But this vbirating condom is clearly a bit of a much. Expecting the RSS to do nothing about it is stretching the Sangh generosity beyond a level even a condom maker can't guarantee its highest quality rubber to do.
Though sex toys are officially banned in this country, in Delhi's underground market (a physical fact, not to be mistaken as a metaphor) Palika Bazar, one can buy a range of vibrators. Other toys like strapon dildos and customised sex dolls can be discretely supplied if one so desired.
I asked one of the suppliers if the business wasn't fraught with risks and if he feared a backlash from the RSS or other custodians of Indian culture. His response was rather interesting. "Nahi (no) sir, it is because of their continued hostility the government can't officially allow the import of sex toys. Which is good for our business." The demand is always high and the margins are very good, he said with a grin. The inflated dolls, I gathered, are sold at rather inflated prices.
Meanwhile, my own investigations into the offending, I mean vibrating, condom has reached a cul de sac of sorts. I checked with my friendly neighbourhood chemist and he said he had run out of the vibrating condoms. All the controversy was very good for the business. "They just vanished off my shelves," he said. Elsewhere, HLL is understood to have taken the confoms off the shelves after being made aware of their erring ways by Mr. Vijayvargiya.
So, for now, the hardworking Swayamsevaks can heave a sigh of relief. If the much-venerated RSS mouthpiece, The Organiser was anything like a Times of India or a Hindustan Times, the next issue might even have carried the story of the successful campaign against vibrating condoms, with RSS IMPACT printed in bold.
I have this naughty naughty friend who is into these inflated dolls and first told me about their availability in Palika Bazar. Clearly a heathen himself, he has no understanding at all about the workings of the RSS. He is worried if the boys in khaki, emboldened by the stunning success of the campaign against vibrating condoms might muscle into influencing other areas of sexual behaviour. I asked him, like what? Like the RSS leadership doesn't have anything else on its mind.
But that is beyond the comprehension of lesser mortals like him. So he continued to pester me with his unending queries : "Umm, what if the RSS tomorrow said masturbation was bad too and banned it. I mean that too gives you pleasure and doesn't contribute in any way to procreation."
Admittedly, he had a point there. There was the issue of pleasure involved and also no connection with procreation. And then my clarity of thought, my wisdom, honed for years by the Sangh's way of thinking, returned.
Silly fellow, I told him, how can any organisation with swayam seva (self help) as its central theme be ever opposed to masturbation? Now, THAT shut up the thick head for good.
Recently, the Bharatiya Janata Party has had trouble finding a leader who can lead the party in the next general elections. Their best bet for the job, old pro Atal Behari Vajepayee's is not keeping very good health. The current party president Rajnath Singh isn't taken too seriously within his own party circles. Which ensured the selection of an aging LK Advani for the job.
As if the party's leadership issues were not bothersome enough, now the fornicating billion (It is logical, silly, you have to fornicate and fornicate a lot to get to a billion and more) are upto their nasty tricks. Thankfully nothing eludes the hawkeyed boys in khaki. So they eventually caught up with the dastardly act of mixing the business of sex with a lot of pleasure.
I am referring to the issue of vibrating condoms, that has stirred the nation and shaken the Swayamsevak rank and file.
Apparently, the pack of three condoms, branded as Crezendo, contains a battery-operated ring-like device. Once the battery is switched on, the device works pretty much like a vibrator. A promotional message from the company, Hindustan Latex Limited, describes Crezendo as a product that "provides ultimate pleasure by producing strong vibrations."
The company had launched Crezendo three months ago. At that time no one said anything about the vibrating ring. But now the truth is in the open. We know now that the vibrating condom is in fact a vibrator and a condom, thanks to the alertness of a Sangh loyalist in the Madhya Pradesh government, Kailash Vijayvargiya.
An angry Vijayvargiya told the BBC recently, "The government's job is to promote family planning and population control measures, rather than market products for sexual pleasure." Subsequently, a company spokesman for Hindustan Latex Limited has confessed the vibrating ring was "a pleasure enhancer", but insisted it was not a "sex toy".
Naughty, that. Sex is ok, according to the RSS, and even according to the Indian government. But pleasure? We all know, that's not on. It is only for a good reason that sex toys are banned in India.
As redfaced HLL officials go blue in the face explaining the finer differences between a sex toy and a pleasure enhancer, the good Sanghi, Vijayvargiya has dashed off a letter to prime minister Manmohan Singh, warning that the sale of sex toys in India would have "severe consequences in society".
Many years ago, and only after much deliberations at the RSS headquarters in Nagpur, it was decided to okay the use of condoms. But not without reservations, for the Sangh has never looked favourably upon any sexual act that doesn't lead to procreation, and the condom is specifically meant to prevent procreation.
However, one thing helped swing the vote in favour of the condoms. Almost all its users had unequivocally stressed that it lowered the pleasure level during intercourse. Now that mightily pleased the RSS bosses. They knew what pleasure could do. For one thing, it could make people happy. Happy people are inclined to think independently and have been historically known to fight firecely for the independence of their thought process. If allowed to be happy, who knows what they might think of the RSS tomorrow, reasoned the reasonable men of RSS. So, they, in principle, okayed the use of condom.
But this vbirating condom is clearly a bit of a much. Expecting the RSS to do nothing about it is stretching the Sangh generosity beyond a level even a condom maker can't guarantee its highest quality rubber to do.
Though sex toys are officially banned in this country, in Delhi's underground market (a physical fact, not to be mistaken as a metaphor) Palika Bazar, one can buy a range of vibrators. Other toys like strapon dildos and customised sex dolls can be discretely supplied if one so desired.
I asked one of the suppliers if the business wasn't fraught with risks and if he feared a backlash from the RSS or other custodians of Indian culture. His response was rather interesting. "Nahi (no) sir, it is because of their continued hostility the government can't officially allow the import of sex toys. Which is good for our business." The demand is always high and the margins are very good, he said with a grin. The inflated dolls, I gathered, are sold at rather inflated prices.
Meanwhile, my own investigations into the offending, I mean vibrating, condom has reached a cul de sac of sorts. I checked with my friendly neighbourhood chemist and he said he had run out of the vibrating condoms. All the controversy was very good for the business. "They just vanished off my shelves," he said. Elsewhere, HLL is understood to have taken the confoms off the shelves after being made aware of their erring ways by Mr. Vijayvargiya.
So, for now, the hardworking Swayamsevaks can heave a sigh of relief. If the much-venerated RSS mouthpiece, The Organiser was anything like a Times of India or a Hindustan Times, the next issue might even have carried the story of the successful campaign against vibrating condoms, with RSS IMPACT printed in bold.
I have this naughty naughty friend who is into these inflated dolls and first told me about their availability in Palika Bazar. Clearly a heathen himself, he has no understanding at all about the workings of the RSS. He is worried if the boys in khaki, emboldened by the stunning success of the campaign against vibrating condoms might muscle into influencing other areas of sexual behaviour. I asked him, like what? Like the RSS leadership doesn't have anything else on its mind.
But that is beyond the comprehension of lesser mortals like him. So he continued to pester me with his unending queries : "Umm, what if the RSS tomorrow said masturbation was bad too and banned it. I mean that too gives you pleasure and doesn't contribute in any way to procreation."
Admittedly, he had a point there. There was the issue of pleasure involved and also no connection with procreation. And then my clarity of thought, my wisdom, honed for years by the Sangh's way of thinking, returned.
Silly fellow, I told him, how can any organisation with swayam seva (self help) as its central theme be ever opposed to masturbation? Now, THAT shut up the thick head for good.
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